The New American Dream...

Child: Mom, when I grow up I wanna live in a tent in the middle of a sidewalk underneath a highway with a brown pallet fence...

Mom: Well honey, you don't have to wait until you grow up, you can live that dream today...

Child: I can...

Mom: You sure can...

Child: How...

Mom: Well, all we have to do is get in an argument about, oh let's say...eating your vegetables, I'll say, you need to eat your vegetables and you'll say, you can't make me, and I'll say, while you live under this roof you'll follow my rules and you'll say, well then I'm leaving, and you're on your way to living your dream...

Child: Really? That's all I gotta do...

Mom: Yep...

Child: What am I gonna do about food...

Mom: Don't worry honey, people will give you food all the time, and if you're adventurous you'll find food in some of the most unusual places and it's all free...

Child: Wow, that's sounds cool...

Mom: Sure, and on certain days of the week you can go to the Food Bank where you can get all the cookies and beans your little heart desires...

Child: I like Cookies...

Mom: I know you do honey, and remember, you can always come back and eat here, but I'm gonna put veggies on the plate and I know how much you don't like them...

Child: What about clothes...

Mom: You can take as many clothes as you can carry in your knapsack from your closet here, and dad won't mind if you take the tent from the garage. People like giving away their things to people that don't want to pay for them, so get used to that kind of generosity...

Child: Really, for free, so why don't you do that mommy...

Mom: Well someone has to provide for the people that get mad at their mommy's and runaway because they don't want to eat their vegetables...

Child: What if you're not home...

Mom: Don't worry, just break a window and break in and take whatever you want, people love that when it happens...

Child: What if I get a scratch on my knee...

Mom: They have a solution for that too honey, it's called "Free Healthcare" and you'll be able to get a free Band-Aid paid for by the working class people...

Child: Will they blow on my booboo and make it all feel better...

Mom: No honey, that's what mommy's are for...

Child: Oh...

Mom: Now dreams aren't easy to come by honey so you'll have to build up some resentment for the days that don't go so well for you...

Child: Huh...

Mom: Sure, most people have a story about how they blame everyone else for their problems and why they are in the situation they are in, and soon you'll start sharing your stories about the people you blame for putting you in the situation you are in...

Child: I will...

Mom: Sure, you can tell them that your mommy used to make you eat your vegetables and that if you were going to live under her roof you're gonna have to follow her rules...

Child: Oh yeah, that's a good one for sure mommy....

Mom: Of course it is honey, but that'll be just the start of it, you'll gain some more ideas when you're out on your own...

Child: I will...

Mom: You sure will and after awhile those stories and all those people that put you in that position will start to weigh on you and before you know it, you'll develop a drug problem...

Child: I'm gonna do drugs, but you said drugs are bad mommy...

Mom: Well you won't be living under my roof anymore, so you can do what you want and make those decisions for yourself...

Child: Wow, that sounds Awesome, I'll be able to do what I want...

 

Mom: Not Awesome honey, Amazing, you don't want people to laugh at you, so try to make sure you stay current with what's trending...

 

Child: Wow, that sounds...Amazing :-)

Mom: That's right honey, and you won't have to answer to anybody, and as a matter of fact, they now have a facility where they'll give you free needles and drugs and people to hang out with and the best part is, the government approved it, so you won't even get in trouble for having drugs...

Child: REALLY...

Mom: Really...

Child: I can't wait to start living my dream mommy...

Mom: Well you don't have to, remember....

Child: You mean...

Mom: That's right, all we need to do is get in a fight about eating your veggies and you'll be on your way to living that dream...

Child: Okay, I'M NOT GONNA EAT MY VEGGIES AND I DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW YOUR RULES ANYMORE MOMMY, I'M LEAVING...like that mommy...

Mom: Perfect, then I say, go ahead and see if I care, you'll be begging me to come back...

Child: No I won't because you're gonna make me eat my veggies and tell me drugs are bad for me...

Mom: Now you're gonna want to stomp around and slam the door when you leave to make it feel official, theatrics are great for these types of situations...

Child: stomp stomp stomp, SLAM!...

Mom: Honey, you almost forgot your Participation Trophy...

Child: Oh, thanks mommy, I'm sure that will come in real handy...

Mom: Okay, now get out of here and start making me feel ashamed of myself...

Child: Okay mom, thanks...

Mom: You'll be back, you'll see...

Child: No I won't...

Mom: :-)

Child: :-)